Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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