i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
