i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i love accidental penises.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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