Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
