who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
