So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
