you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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