First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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