just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
