if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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