I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
