when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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