you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
