i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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