gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
