Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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