I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
