There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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