Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
