Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
me + whiskey = a bad person
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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