Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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