I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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