So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
