I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
