my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
