You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
