those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
