Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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