I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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