I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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