I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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