conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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