I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
did you just send me my own nude
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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