I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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