My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
