remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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