I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
