and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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