the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
