You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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