My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
