she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
