You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
