Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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