At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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