You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
