What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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