I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
