dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
