living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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