I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
