what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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