I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
