Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
