so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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