Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
