I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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