I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
