Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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