On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
